Am I soft?

I slept in this morning. No ladder, no meditation. On a day like today I don't feel powerful or in control. It's as if life happens to me rather than me creating life. I did though have a shave and a cold shower the latter of which took some discipline. I take power out of knowing that I can be the master over fear and sluggishness.

I met with both my new and previous honours supervisors today. I'm glad I started writing today and didn't go on holidays. On a good day I can write 1000 words but when I'm breaking new ground, as I am with Foucault's theories, I'm down to a few hundred words a day. I wrote 56 today.

I hope it's pissing down in the morning. It feels great to be out in the wet and cold when everyone else is in bed sleeping. Is this all just a way of trying to convince myself that I'm not soft?