The problem with relationships

Marriage on a good day can be great. On a bad day it can be War of the Roses. I've been lucky to enjoy a marriage that's been a significant contributor to my happiness. That's certainly not the case with all relationships.

Marriage vows, of the traditional form found in most Christian services, contain more lies than a job interview. Take the "to death do us part" bit. Does anyone really mean that? I don't think so. In most cases the promise is full of implied conditions such as "so long as you don't sleep with someone else" or "so long as I feel happier being here than somewhere else". Only the most new age of Christian services would include honest vows.

This "to death do us part" creates a sense of failure on the part of a couple who decide to separate. It's simply not needed and, I argue, not healthy. Surely it would be better to stay together while ever two people are committed to one another. If staying together produces greater happiness for both partners then stay together. But when when life changes, move on and stay friends. A marriage committed to "to death to us part" is pointless. A marriage committed to one another's happiness and well-being makes sense and contributes to a better world.

This thinking works for all kinds of relationships. Intimate partnerships, friendships, work, you name it, a relationship founded on a promise to stay together for a life time is simply not realistic. Better to start off with a dose of reality and make sensible commitments than set oneself up for continual failure. Sure, commit to another person's life time happiness, just not to a life time in the same bed.